Starting a Following?

Forgive me if I in any way sound a little conceited, but I feel like an apostle for Nintendo. It seems like the more I talk to people, the more they want the Wii, of they want a DS. I really feel like I'm making on some kind of divine word. Example one, this dood I work with loved the Metroid Prime games for Gamecube. However he said their was no way in hell that he would buy Hunters for the DS because it was a gay ass little handheld, which was nowhere near as good as a PSP. Now I never actually showed him anything (gameplay, screenshots, reviews, etc.), I just talked to him about it. Told him about the idea behind the DS the innovation with Hunters. And that was it. Next time I saw him, he had gotten Hunters and had swore off getting a PSP. Since I bought one, 7 people I know have bought a DS simply by me talking about it. Do I have a divine gift? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. All I know is that people need to start giving the Big N a chance, stop making radical assumptions, and remember that video games are about having fun, not graphics.

New Super Mario Bros.

I just bought New Super Mario Bros. for the Nintendo DS and let me say that I am highly impressed with this game. For starters, it's a classic side-scrolling platformer, very much like Super Mario Bros., Mario 3, and Super Mario World. Now don't jump the gun just yet. While it may contain classic gameplay, this is an entirely new Mario. New upgrades such as the Blue Shell suit and the Mega Mushroom add some new elements to the game. Add in new moves from Mario 64 like the ground pound and wall jumps and you've got ingredients for an instant classic. So if you have a DS pick this game up. If you don't have a DS, then well, I hate you. I give this game 5 Flying Soviet Pigs out of 5.

Evan Oliver - Girl, I'm Just A Dood

Evan Oliver's critically acclaimed album 1977 album "Girl, I'm Just A Dood" revolutionized R&B music. He displayed sophistication and maturity with this album. The former quality can be appreciated in the ease and confidence with which Oliver handles the material combining an awareness of international methods with local and personal experience. The latter allows him not to overcrowd the imagery and its message, instead relying on a fairly minimalist and clear language. However, although the work is very sonically aesthetic and well thought out, it leaves the listener somewhat cold, receiving it intellectually or theoretically, rather than through emotive sensations which would have been more appropriate considering the character of the reality here. And it is now remastered in digital quality!

Let Evan Oliver's smooth, sensual voice guide you through these chart-topping tracks:

01 - Girl, I'm Just a Dood (A Dood That is a Man (A Man That is in Love (In Love with You)))
02 - Tonight We Celebrate Your Nape
03 - The Orgy Isn't the Same (Without You)
04 - Shawnece Nicesnatch
05 - You're in Serious Trouble (It's a Proven Fact)
06 - I Saw You Look Me
07 - Bring the Sound (Rude Boy)
08 - Purple Rain 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold
09 - Luscious Ludens Lozenges
10 - One Year of Massages

Order your copy now!

FonDos and Don'ts

Hello folks, its your old paypal Evan, back with more etiquette tips! What is today's tantalizing topic?

FONDUE!

How many times have you had an awkward moment at a Fonduetable? If you're anything like the rest of america, you probably think it is a waste of money to dip bread in melty cheese as a meal, but in case someday a gay french person puts a gun to your head and forces you to go to a Fondue restaurant, you'll want to be prepared with:

"FonDos and Don'ts"
by D. Evan Oliver

Fondue is an ancient tradition started by overweight, white americans in 1986 or something. The tradition is believed to have started when they used to wear those powdered wigs ya know like you see like judges and george washington wearing in those days? yeah those. well anyway, they used to use forks and dip those wigs in hot powder, to make it stick better. Well one day, Benjamin Frankly who was fat, decided to do it with cheese and crap, and FONDUE WAS INVENTED! And with every new invention, comes a big long list of rules for using it. But once you have read my concise guide, you'll be like the guy-who-bought-a-legitimate-copy-of-windows-xp of fondue, because you'll have the Genuine Advantage!

DO use your fondue fork to dip your item in teh sauce.

DON'T put your hands in the sauce, it can be HOT!

DO use your dinner fork to remove the item after dipping.

DON'T eat off the fondue fork, no one wants your germs in the pot.

AND REMEMBER: If someone loses an item in the sauce, it is tradition them to buy a round of drinks or to be punished in another way. In some countries flagellation is common.

Ok that's it! You're ready! This is Evan "The Fondood" Aliver saying until next time, "if you're the type of person that eats fondue, you're probably the type of person I'd like to punch in the face."

Seeya!!!11one

Answer and a question.

Answer to number one: They are in a group enviroment to learn how to use there powers safely and effectively, and so they the won't be harrassed or distracted by those who would find them off putting (namely non-mutants).

Now, Evan I have a request. I saw your blog and I was curious, could you work on a illustration of me in the same style as your "Bride"? Full with sword of course.

Best Site Ever

Evan this is so you.

KELSEY GRAMMER AS MUTHAFUCKIN BEAST

I'm not really a big X-Men fan, in fact I have quite a few gripes, for example:

1. If X-Men have such radically different powers, what are they possibly learning in a group environment?

2. Is the whole mutant thing an analogy for civil rights/gay rights?

3. Assuming #2 is true, then how is there any doubt mutants are better? I mean, I can understand arguing over who's skin color or religion is better, but if one group can fuckin' heal super fast or control the weather and shit and the other can't, I don't think there's much doubt there.

4. What is the point of there being an Iceman if Storm's powers basically can do that and more?

5. How is this at all evolution? Evolution comes out of need and millions of years of breeding, survival of the fittest and developing out of necessity.

6. Furthermore, what even happens if like Beast and Storm had a baby? What are that kid's powers? He's able to make like smart hurricanes?

Hopefully some of you nerds can answer these. I can go on and on, but the main point of this post is that...

KELSEY GRAMMER IS MUTHAFUCKIN BEAST in X-Men 3. I think that is absolutely the best casting I have ever heard in my life. I don't even really like the first 2 movies, the only thing I really remember about them is Wolvie killing doods in 2. But this might be enough to make me wanna see the 3rd one.

RV: a real movie or do we have another Patch Adams here?

7up Gets A Healthy Marketing Makeover

7up has recently been showing up in a slew of commercials claiming it is now 100% natural. Look at that gorgeous can, growing on a tree. They claim it now is only 5 "natural" ingrediants:

1. filtered carbonated water
2. high fructose corn syrup
3. natural citric acid
4. natural flavors
5. natural potassium citrate

The problem with the claim "natural" is it is subjective. For example, would I find filtered carbonated water in nature? No. But would I personally consider it a natural ingrediant? Sure. Our joke of an FDA doesn't have any official definition on what "all natural" means in foods. To me, shouldn't there at least be lemons and limes in a "natural" lemon & lime drink? I would think so. And speaking of that, I don't see how "natural flavors" <-plural, counts as one ingrediant.

But my biggest problem with the ingrediants is the High Fructose Corn Syrup. This is ridiculously NOT natural. In fact, HFCS has to be chemically altered so that it is stable enough to be used as an ingrediant, and that ain't natural. HFCS has been linked to obesity and diabetes and their biggest dose of this crap comes from sodas.


*Please note this post has been typed in 100% natural green letters.

Guaranteed Disease

Recognize this Todd?

Question for Todd Dave the BttF Master

(Todd is now officially down-graded to "Roger Rabbit Master")

who cares

hey todd, i was watching back to the future 2 today and i always wondered who that guy is that is supposed to be that is talking about saving the clock tower and putting money on the cubbies. he's definitely someone in old man makeup, so i used to kinda think it was doc, but that kinda doesn't make sense either, since he doesn't recognize marty. any idea?